This is London Calling: Keep the Lights on in Europe

In 1914, on the eve of the First World War, the British foreign secretary Sir Edward Grey looked out of his window at the street lamps being lit, and said "The lamps are going out all over Europe, we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime". Now, on the eve of the Brexit referendum, I fear the lights may be about to start going out again in Europe -- and this time the first place to fall dark will be Britain. The European Union was built on a dream. Not a dream of common markets or … [Read more...]

Who Killed Jo Cox?

Who killed Jo Cox? Not Nigel Farage. Though he showed us the broken and helpless and told us to fear them. They fled crucifixion and poison gas and he told us to hate them. "If voting doesn't work, violence is next," he said.  But that's just Nigel, that's his way. Did you see him on the Thames?  You've got to put Britain first, you see. Not David Cameron. Though he told us a "swarm" was coming across the sea to take advantage of us. David Cameron is an honourable man. he was just trying … [Read more...]

Dear Suzanne Moore, Here’s One Rule For Managing Your Arse: Stop Talking Out Of It

Oh boy. For anyone who doesn't know the background, and finds that title a little brusque, let me fill you in. Suzanne Moore is a well-known feminist columnist. She wrote an article in The Guardian today entitled '10 Rules For Managing Your Penis". "Recent news stories involving sexting, wine, toasters, politicians and penises indicate some men need a refresher course," Ms Moore chirped, "so here are my 10 rules for keeping your penis out of trouble". Ho ho ho. Cue the outrage. Misandry, … [Read more...]

A Modest Proposal; or why Britain’s Next King should be a Watermelon

Today seems an opportune moment to resuscitate a vital movement for the future not only of Britain, but I would submit, that of the entire world. I should like to make a humble submission: that when Queen Elizabeth II eventually passes on, we should replace her with a watermelon. No one can deny that Elizabeth has made a generally excellent job of being Queen, but I can’t help feeling that the peculiar requirements of the role could be equally well fulfilled by a watermelon. Yes, yes, … [Read more...]

Apocalypse UK: Warmwave of Death

There are times in life when you feel you must have been born in the wrong place. It's happening to me this week in London. All around me people are shaking their heads and sighing, declaring that it's "sweltering", "baking",  "too hot to breathe", that they are "dying from the heat", that they can't sleep at night. The government has issued a Level Three Heatwave Alert. MPs are calling for people to be given time off work because of the devastating heat. And the temperature? A mild and pleasant … [Read more...]