A Modest Proposal; or why Britain’s Next King should be a Watermelon

Today seems an opportune moment to resuscitate a vital movement for the future not only of Britain, but I would submit, that of the entire world. I should like to make a humble submission: that when Queen Elizabeth II eventually passes on, we should replace her with a watermelon. No one can deny that Elizabeth has made a generally excellent job of being Queen, but I can’t help feeling that the peculiar requirements of the role could be equally well fulfilled by a watermelon. Yes, yes, … [Read more...]

The Diamond Jubilee…and why Britain’s next King should be a Watermelon

Take down the bunting, put away the flags, Britain's brief holiday from the grim realities of the 21st century into its royal fantasy is done for another year. For the second year running, the country has come to a standstill to celebrate its strange anachronism of a monarchy, and everyone is congratulating themselves on how marvellously we do these things. But I should like to make a humble submission: that when Queen Elizabeth II eventually passes on, we should replace her with a … [Read more...]